Sunday, January 2, 2011
2011, here's to being still!
I've never made a "New Year's" resolution in my life.
I've made plenty of resolutions before, I just never saw a need to attach a date to them. This year's not any different except that I happen to feel the need for a few resolutions right now!
From the beginning right to the end of 2010, we were on the move. From December 2009 until December 2010, we lived in four different apartments (five, if you go back one more day and count my parent's house!). Each time we moved was a definite upgrade, and though the place we're in now won't be suitable for long, with Fina growing fast, it's the first time we've felt at home in nearly a year and a half. It's no wonder I've been craving stillness so much lately!
Which leads to the next resolution, sitting...
Yes, having a 19 month old baby certainly dwindles the opportunity for a quiet sit, especially a daily one, but they aren't completely obsolete. It will just be a matter of taking better advantage of the opportunities when they are available.
A side effect of all this moving has been a very expensive year. With real-estate fees, moving costs, and large deposits required in Korea (which you don't get back when you leave early!), each move put me back 2 or 3 months worth of my salary... I'm really hoping money won't be as big of an issue (hopefully not an issue at all) in the next year. If I think back on all the arguments I had with my wife, they just about all began with money.
Finally, with a baby, a wife, a full-time job, and three evening students per week, it leaves very little time for coherent, well composed writing, not to mention coherent, well composed writing about Buddhism. I started this blog thinking it would be a good way to sort out and understand what I was learning about Buddhism by expressing it but two things quickly happened... First, by expressing what I thought I knew, I learned more about how much I don't know (not a bad lesson!), and second, I realized that I have very little business talking about Buddhism, especially with so much to learn and my focus having shifted to family. Again, that's not such a bad thing, because, in the end, Buddhism is about developing healthy, nurturing relationships with the universe, where better to start than with a family! I have a couple of ideas for my blog, though, that will make things easier and more honest. The difficulty with writing about Buddhism, for myself, is that realizations mostly happen in a place of the being that has no words. Gautama Buddha had a gift for expressing these. I usually find myself grasping and coming up empty, which is another reason to focus more on sitting and developing clarity. Perhaps there will be more that I can share with the world that way.