Revenge

A bit over a year ago, Ox Herding posted a couple of posts on revenge. When I first read the first one, I thought to myself, "I'm glad I don't have problems with revenge!"

Then I realized that I do, I just didn't realize it because it's mostly fantasies of revenge, played out only in my mind. After I read the post, I caught myself plotting against the people who'd wronged me that day. The next realization was how much time/energy I spend plotting against others. I'm not sure if it's with an intention to act, but maybe looking at all the possible ways I could react. Fortunately, I'm not satisfied enough with the ideas that come to mind, aware of the negative consequences on my own experience the repercussions would carry, selfishness can be a good thing!

Two months after we moved to Gyeongsan, a crowd of university students moved in across the hall. I'm not sure how many actually "live" there, but there are always people coming and going, especially between the hours of 1-5 am, and especially drunk and noisy, stomping up the stairs, throwing cigarettes on the floor to smolder infront of our door, shouting, even screaming, one always laughing like a hyena. They're one of the biggest reasons we're moving at all.

After pleading with them several times with no effect, I spend the year plotting against them. When we left the house the other day and found two used condoms on the street under their window, which I had to keep Fina from picking up, the plotting reached fever pitch. Should I tape them to their door? Toss them on the seat of their motorbikes? Fit them over the handle on their door? Or gift wrap them and leave them in their mailbox when we leave? My favorite so far is to fill them with the mysterious pile of human poop that appeared on the roof in January, where Fina and I kept our garden, then stretch them over the handle of their door, just before we leave to Seoul, of course!

But in the end, I know you can't hide from your actions, and the present is the culmination of all your actions, so I must have put myself right here next to them. As unsatisfying a revenge as it seems, the only conclusion I'm ever able to accept is to try and entrust the situation, that things will take care of themselves. In the end, it will have the only satisfying result. Even as I write this, I still have an urge to at least stick the condoms, unpackaged, in their mailbox before we leave tomorrow! Hopefully, I don't! I suppose I should just be grateful that they even use condoms!